Halloween today, already, the day doesn't mean to much to us all now that our kids are all grown up, except that October 31st means that Zach has completed 8 full cycles of the P 6 chemo regiment designed for him! There are times over the last three months that the days and especially the nights seemed to drag on, as any glance at the clock would only indicate  a few minutes had passed since the last time I lifted my head to check. The concern was not for the time of day, but to try and rush the process of poison going through our Zach. I know as he does that three months finished means he is closer to the completion of the very important first stage of treatment and victory, and now the testing and scans to verify all of Zach's hard work,  written proof that his great strength and will has made a difference.

We don't have control of this treatment or the amount of chemical cocktail that is needed to destroy the tumor, and no one knows more than Zach how very hard he has pushed fear away, how he keeps positive and confident in his treatment. Over three months actually of wondering what the effects of the chemo has had on the size of the tumor, or if the small lymph nodes have been targeted and are no longer a concern. No there is no proof at this point for sure what has transpired within Zach's strong loving self, but he and his Mom and I truly know in our hearts that the treatment has made a huge difference and the cancer is dead, shrivelled up and only a small bit of its original size. So as nice as it is to be home for the weekend, Zach sleeping in his own room, familiar surroundings, and caring friends at his side, we are anxious, waiting to return to Saskatoon again, absolutely no chemo this trip! A Monday morning which includes an MRI and then a P.E.T. scan, followed by chest CT on Tuesday, then more waiting, days or even a week or so before the true results are known, no more guessing, and then Zach moves forward to the time he has actually dreamt about, the incredible surgery to remove what is left of the tumor that is responsible for changing his life, our lives as well, and even family and friends.

We will still pray many times a day for the results we all want, even though somehow there is this great confidence in our house of the happy outcome. When this very special surgeon in Texas exams all the test results and then sets the date for surgery and HPEC therapy, only then can Zach and his family re charge and move forward. Although chemo has been a very necessary evil, surgery and removal will bring a real feeling of a win, the tumor will be gone, and it will no longer live in the hollow of Zach's abdomen. Thank God for these wonderful Doctors and the skills they have honed in preparation to save our Zach and so many others! So bring it on, Zach is so ready for Monday, for answers, for continued hope, and flying to Texas soon, forever moving forward, never surrendering! Family and friends, and as I have written before, even strangers, by his side, in our prayers, and in God's loving and healing hands,           God bless you all for staying with Zach, for sharing your thoughts and kind caring words with us all...........

As we are preparing for another trip to Royal University Hospital in Saskatoon tonight, I watch and listen to Zach, he has developed sort of a pattern just before we head south again. You can hear it in his voice, a bit of nervousness, his words pronounced a little louder than usual, and no talk about the chemo in the early morning. I still am not quite sure how he does it each week, reaches down inside and somehow manages to find the energy and strength to face another week of his body excepting hours each day of a mixture of drugs we as parents would never put in our children. These chemical cocktails as the nurses say are his best chance at someday being disease free. We load the vehicle with suitcases and personal items like we are headed out on a holiday,somewhere that Zach may have been talking about with excitement for months. But as I close the back door and watch our Son get into the car, I see him pale, much to slender for his frame, and then as he always does, a smile to reassure both me and his Mom, that he is ready, no worries. Zach will someday soon be finished his treatment, surgery and radiation, and we will be going on a huge adventure together, very soon, I know this.

Arriving at the cancer centre is mostly always the same as we enter the building and walk down to the paediatric area of the treatment area. Although the chairs are filled with a mixture of young children and adults, some with parents, a girl friend, loved one, or sadly, alone. So many people suffering from different variations of cancer, a bond shared between patients and their support team that brings a common sadness, and some times a smile. Some guarded whispered words, the constant beeping of pumps working hard to provide hope for us all. Nurses literally fast walking from room to room, carrying transparent bags, long tubes, pushing pumps on wheels towards our children, almost like fireman racing to put out a fire, cancer is our fire I guess. Soon the long tubes are filled with liquid, and the drip of chemo winds it way inside the port on Zach's chest and he looks around the room to settle in for another long day, mostly in a public area, and luckily, some days, a private exam room where we can visit and support him with a level of privacy. Round eight, cycle (8), five days then home, followed by the most important testing and scans at this point, results that will guide us south for very important support from a very special lady, Dr. Andrea Hayes-Jordan!

Zach reminds us of the status of others being treated, and I do the same, he is constantly reading and discovering all the varied treatments and studies available for cancer, and shows happiness for others who may benefit and find a cure, but sadly there is not often words written about new drugs or protocols for this DSRCT, which reminds us so often how rare this disease is, but then there are the unexplained cases, long term survival and the happiest words possible, some are "cancer free"!  Zach is one of those, he is so confident in his treatment, so positive in the success he will welcome soon, we all are, so many friends and family, and as I have said many times, even complete strangers still with Zach, still with us all. On the days and nights that seem almost completely overwhelming, Donna my wife, Zach's Mom, props us all up, provides the words we need, to ensure the Cook Clan remains on the same page. Mom's are such incredible people, and Zach knows she is there always, we all do, and I thank God every day for our Angel on earth. Please remember that no one is alone, we are all here for each other, just another way God provides comfort and love to all who need him. Hug those who you love, say a kind word to those who are supporting you, and pray for health, happiness, and a CURE for your loved ones,    be safe always         God Bless

As I write today our Zach has just finished his round 7, or cycle 7 of his regiment of chemo treatment. Today is considered day three after the chemo which means the start of soreness and fever may come. Zach is very pale and listless, but as he always does, he is pushing through, never complaining, and telling all who will listen that he is just fine.

A friend had mentioned to me that Zach's symptoms are flu like and asked if that is how he feels, while I politely thanked him for asking and then thought maybe I would enlighten him as to the difference of the flu versus a very rare life threatening cancer. Sadly there are too many parents in our world that know everything there is to know about DSRCT, and as I do several times a day pray for God to take away this horrible disease and give our children the long, happy healthy lives they so rightly deserve. But for those who may read this page please understand that this is not a "Flu"! Besides the sickness that the cancer brings, the treatment is just as bad if not worse. If you can imagine almost every day feeling totally exhausted, running a high fever, the constant feeling of wanting to throw up, dizziness, confusion, hospital stays weekly, numerous different drugs that cause so many side effects, I V antibiotics are mandatory to fight off any and all infections, as when Zach's levels are so low they don't register on a medical scale. Blood transfusions several times each month, and the anguish that goes with knowing that without the special generosity of strangers your hemoglobin may not recover, and of course the complete loss of hair, which at first is stressful in its own way.These are only some of the effects of this and almost every cancer, and then probably the worst side effect is the uncertainty, the enormous scare and fear that each child or young person faces every minute of the day, including while having very upsetting dreams. The very thought of not knowing what each day will bring, perhaps the only certainty being more of the same, and the questions, confusion, wondering when will the treatment stop, when will I find my CURE! No, our loved ones are not suffering from a seasonal flu, or cold, they are taking on the greatest challenge of their lives, head on and without surrender!

I have followed many children and young people and their families since June 19th, of this year, reading their stories of hope and faith, of doubt and fear, and remain in absolute AWE, at how each and everyone of you are able to wake up each morning, which is actually several times during the night, and awaken your incredible inner strength, put on the happiest face possible for your children, and family and friends when we can. Some of the families children I follow everyday are Marc, Walker, Sebastian, Sabrina, David, Gabby, Max, Morgan, Ross, Sam, Andrew, Alyssa, Lisa, Robby, and Dalton. Please forgive me for only mentioning a few of our special children, there are so many, and I really try to pray for you all, but I have to admit that I have to save most of my time praying, hoping, loving and supporting our Zach, I hope I do not sound selfish. There is the sweetest little boy that many of you may know, as his Mom so bravely and generously shares so many incredible photo's of him, and tells us all everyday how Gabriel is doing, but if you don't, let me tell you, Gabriel has been a real source of power, and faith for Zach, me and our entire family. He and his Mom Erica, remind me every day that so many families are going through the same days, same emotions and challenges, and Gabriel says it all in his smile, the twinkle in his eyes, and the things he says, or sings.

As I mentioned to some yesterday, Zach has found a real "Happy distraction" in a little puppy, his name is "Brutus" and is a mix of Pug and Chihuahua. We have always had big four legged members of the family, but when Zach and his new "Chug" met, there was an instant bond, so what could a Dad do! It is these unplanned circumstances that bring happiness and distraction that are very much needed, whenever and where ever we may find them.

Zach will fight hard over the next few days again, fending off infection and all the side effects, and then he will start Round 8, shortly thereafter he will have a series of test, P.E.T. scan, M.R.I. and others to assess the progress of this treatment, in preparation for surgery at M.D. Anderson in Texas. Please remember how grateful we are always for your support, love and kindness, and that we continue to pray and ask God for his healing hands for our Zach, and for you all, God Bless, take good care and be safe!

Day eight of cycle 6 of P6 Protocol has almost ended, Zach is in his bed trying to sleep knowing his temperature may rise high enough at anytime that he will be back in the hospital soon. His blood work revealed earlier today that his levels were again very low, almost non-existent. When Zach has poor results his system is unable to fight off even a cold, and an infection of any kind can be very serious. Tomorrow is day nine and this will be a huge challenge for his young body, with his hemoglobin so low he most certainly will require yet another blood transfusion, and I V antibiotics.....back in the hospital.

So what is Zach doing today, while his Mom and I are preparing for him to be very sick, he is texting and talking with many young people, who like him have DSRCT, he writes to Moms and Dads, Grandpa and Grandma, Auntie's and Uncles, Brothers and Sisters, and friends of sick children and teens. Zach continues to ask questions of new friends, and give answers to everyone who asks, he will say exactly how he feels, unless he thinks his thoughts might hurt or scare someone. I know all of you who have a love one stricken with this disease are still wondering why our children, and how can we protect our kids, and all we have to do is look at ourselves at the end of every day. Think of every loving word said, every special touch given, every hug, kiss, tear, question, and remember how incredibly strong our children were all day long. This is where you will find your answer to this question, we are able to fight every minute of everyday because of the strength and will of our children! My Son wakes every day and finds a way to smile, he gives me power, he shows our entire family how to find the best in every day, and we do! If today is harder than the day before, you must have faith, reach down deep down inside yourself if you need to, and know that you and your loved ones are not alone, ever.............look back at all the e mails and text your family has received, remember a special phone call from a dear friend or family member that touched your heart, think of all the many families like yours, believe me, this will help. Do not be afraid to reach out to a complete stranger who you talked with, Zach and our family have felt the most sincere love and support from people from all over the world, caring special folks who we have never met. Most importantly ask God to be in your corner, pray for his help, and he will comfort you, I have learned there is no right way to pray, or wrong words to use.  As parents  of children with this cancer, we all know how hard some days can be, and we also know about the special moments when some how we can actually smile, or even laugh. Please don't forget these times, use the positive memories of the day before to deal with the day you are in, I can tell you this helps, and of course, the morning smile from my Son!

We arrived home tonight from Royal University Hospital, glad to be home, returning to our other life.........this has been another hard, faith questioning week, watching our son, our Zach have his body filled with the poison known as Chemo! The only choice he has right now to destroy this disease inside. Zach did what he has always done since June 19th, faced each day with such strength, determination, unwavering will, and with the wisdom and faith of a young man much older than he.

We all say that we love all of our children the same, equally......and we do, its just that some of our loved ones are "easier" and all of you parents know exactly what I mean when I say this! Zach continues to teach us how to see the best in everything, no matter how serious, or how hard some things can be to try and understand. He has always shown his friends and family the kindest way to be, the most honest way to approach life. All that he is was strengthened on the day of this diagnosis, and when I watch him sleep I wonder how some one so young, and so loving, can be so tolerant of the days he is facing. There have been so many Warriors, Combat Soldiers and Policeman in our family, all who served with such honour and bravery, our twenty two year old Son Riley is a Combat Infantry Soldier with the storied Princess Patricia's Canadian Light Infantry, and we could not be more proud of him, and scared at the same time........but even Zach's big Brother Riley says that Zach is the real Warrior, he has never trained for a war, or even a battle, but Zach is our Warrior at home, his heart is his shield, and his spirit and will are his sword! I have wanted to write more since creating this site with my little Brother Rob, but find it hard to put thoughts into words when all day, everyday, I can not leave Zach's side, and find it more important to verbally address my love and concerns to Zach loudly, and than he asked me yesterday why I was not writing on the blog on his page, and he reminded me that he wanted to read how I feel, and that the best way still to bring awareness to this disease was to make sure people read about our family, how he was dealing with the pain and side effects of his treatment and DSRCT! Zach hopes that someone who is diagnosed will read about his courage and know that there is no surrender ever, that there are no real stats or percentages, and that absolutely everyone has the same chance of survival and hope, knowing that finding your CURE is real, and we will find it together, please stay strong, continue to stand tall and together, and with our faith, prayer and great new treatment, we will win! bye for now, God Bless, and remember know one is alone, I promise.........