It's hard to believe that Halloween is here again today, normally a fun time for us all, watching the little ones walk up the steps to the house with their Mom or Dad, cute costumes and tender voices yelling out "Trick or Treat", but the sadness that we feel hangs around the doorway, I wonder if those that come to the house can see the concern on my face. But no matter, for those few moments I can see my kids at that age, feel the excitement and hear their loving voices without a worry. I think as parents we will always see our kids as if they were small, happy and healthy. As with other special occasions throughout the year, the meaning has been lost a bit, to thoughts of more serious matters, and our continued battle with this disease. I shouldn't feel guilty when I am able to laugh, or fade away to other thoughts that make me smile, but I do, I'm sure we all do at times. Most importantly Halloween this year like last year means "New" scans, which bring the answers to how effective the latest drug has worked stopping the cancer, and reducing the size of the tumours. This year we will have Zach in for P.E.T. scans this Thursday the 3rd of November and will know the findings hopefully by the next day! Zach has made it clear that if the Gem and the Dox have done their jobs he wishes to stay on this chemo regiment, and if not than the next option is the Clinical Study that he is eligible for at MD Anderson Cancer Center in Houston Texas, the hospital we have consulted with since Zach was diagnosed. We learned of what is called the "Phase Two Multi-arm Clinical Study to Test Efficacy of Immunotherapeutic Sarcoma Sub-types, yes it is a real mouth full for sure. We should know very soon if our Zach will be excepted to the study, and than the new words will be Durvalumab and Tremelimumab. MD Anderson has provided lots of information with regard to explaining how the study will move forward and the risks involved, and of course the unknowns, so many times we have heard this word. All cancers are serious and treatment can be dangerous, with this DSRCT there seems to be more risk, and certainly more worry when you are dealing with limited testing of new drugs. There will be new challenges for sure if this is the direction taken to find the CURE for our Zach, but as he says each time, yes lets do it! If the CURE leads us to Texas than Zach, Donna and I will most likely live down south for several months while the treatment is administered. So in a few days we will learn where the three of us will lay our heads each night, I can truly say I am sure wherever we are we will get as much sleep as we do at home in Saskatchewan, very little. Sleep does not come easy any more, I guess it hasn't for some time now. Short bursts of restless times, eyes closed so I guess it would be classified as "sleep". Still after all these many months I can still awake and have just that split second of time where I have not yet realized that it is not a nightmare that has passed, but a horrible dream that our family walks in every minute of each day. Such a rush of fear, and then the anger, more praying, so much prayer, still unanswered questions as before. Middle of the night looking out into the darkness, but always within a few feet of my Zach! Donna is on guard as always, the smallest sound wakens her, not one time has she not been there when we need her. Zach and his Mom, fighting together, loving each other only the way Mothers and Sons understand, so close. I am able to deal with the anger and uncertainty because of my Donna, and the incredible bravery shown by Zach, and his unwavering smile. Our family has such a strong inner will to find victory, now more than ever, Rayne and Riley, big sister and brother, and oldest Son Glenn and wife Jesse. It is our Zach, our youngest child who leads by example with such courage, determination and readiness for this unseen challenge, I love you so very much my Zach, we are so blessed to have you show us the way. We have got this, God is with us always, like we decided many months ago, never surrender, and we will find your CURE!
To all of you who continue to follow and pray for Zach and our family I want you to know again, we are so very grateful for you, for your prayers and the hope you give us every day! November will reveal many things to our family, and with your loving support we will continue to take on this challenge with victory in sight, be safe and God Bless you all